Update Post

Long time no update yes?  Aside from having no space before (when we used to still live at our uncle's place), there was barely time.  Now that I have the space (sort of) because we moved already (praise Jesus!), I don't have the laptop and barely have time for it.

So my laptop I gave to my sister before I went back home to the Philippines after Christmas holidays, and the one I have been using ever since was my old Acer laptop which resurrected from retirement.  My old 2006 Acer lappy cannot connect to the connection setting at our new place because it has been left behind from technology.  I am seriously considering saving up for a Mac, but that is really not a priority right now.  It has actually been a while since I have been online via laptop, I have been using my iPad mini and iPhone for all that.  You can imagine it isn't as easy typing down my rant with those keypads.

So just a quick update:

• I work at Prometric Testing Center as a Test Center Administrator, hire date: April 17, 2013.  I do not like the job, I actually hate it and I am working up the nerve to tell my supervisor that I want to quit. 
• I work at Aegis Living as a Concierge, hire date: June 24, 2013.  The job is way better than the TCA job and I am thankful for the schedule, 4 10-hour days. 
• I just very recently decided to go back and work for Taco Bell, hire date: July 26, 2013.  Told you it was very recent.  1 day a week, 10 hours.  Just for the fun of it.  I miss the labor, the people I used to work with.  They pay is low compared to the TCA job, but I'll take it over that.  It isn't always about the money. :) 

• I have started to process my petition for my boyfriend's fiance visa, mid June.  Now, the waiting game. 
• Did I mention we moved?  Our own small place, but at least we get the space and privacy.  I cannot complain. 
• I have become more financially independent.  I have to start, I am already 23 years old for crying out loud! 

So that is the quick update in bullet form.  Today I started to put acrylic oil on canvass again.  The outcome wasn't pleasing, but I keep in mind I can only get better by practice. :)

I am still seriously thinking about going back to school, but I don't know what course to take yet and I don't think I have saved enough to be able to comfortably provide for myself and my education. HA! Hearing myself talk so mature makes me want to puke a bit.  I honestly still have to remind myself I am not longer a teenager.

I have been reading again too!  The library here is awesome.  I have been going to the Lynnwood library, borrowing books and scanning / printing stuff for FREE!  Oh boy, this is now probably long enough?  Well, I have  a lot more to rant about and hopefully I will have more time for that in the coming days!  Did I mention I really want to quit the TCA job? :p YES!

from the upper apartment,

J a.k.a. Allie

  

Of Boxing and Religion

So last Sunday, while I was sound asleep, Manny Pacquiao, the Philippine boxing pride, lost the fight on the 6th round with a knock out. Bummer. 

You win some, you lose some. Can't win them all. People were with him during his victory, they should be with him as well in this loss. At least he admitted that he was overconfident (so I heard). 

I woke up to all this ruckus on Facebook about the fight. A lot of them were down. Even a few pathetic statuses blaming Manny's change of religion.  

Earlier today, boyfriend showed me a video of Aling Dionisia (Manny's mom) going about "Wanted Pastore Louie" and how it is this Pastor's fault Manny lost. That video really pissed me off. It was annoying to see her broadcast her idiosyncratic ranting to thousands and thousands of viewers. She should be careful what she says, she might just start a fight. 

I posted on Facebook: "Manny lost diay? Tsk. Meanwhile, I was sound asleep while all this was going on." and my cousin mentioned: "and a lot of people are blaming Religion of his failure." I again replied, "and so i read, but religion is but man made haha. Your intimacy in the relationship with Jesus is between you and Him, and no one has the right to judge that. :)". He also replied with, "well I have read too, something about rosary and Mama Mary thing, kay he wasn't doing the sign of the cross thing kay he shifted his faith something like that... did I choose the right word? shifted hahaha". And in comes my over religious grandmother's sister with a comment: "Ah! Ah!!!!!" I mean seriously, what does that even mean? Knowing her, it must be a negative reaction to my comment. And in an attempt to taunt her, "kita ka sa interview ni dionisia Marco Antonio Ang Barcelo? haha "wanted pastor luoie" (or unsa ba toh?) haha gamayag utok." ("did you see the interview of Dionisia? haha "wanted pastor luoie" (or whatever?) haha. She has a small brain.") Or I meant to say how narrow minded she was, but small brain describes her just fine as well, especially in our dialect. I just now, added in a link to the video on the thread of comments and expressing my disgust. 

This reminds me about my post on Facebook about wanting to have a Tattoo, I should dig it up and blog it too, maybe tomorrow. Anyways, narrow minded, close minded people, who think they are better than others really just annoys me. Annoys me so much, almost to the bones really. And these will include a few of my overly religious relatives, sadly.

Justin Beiber posting up stupid stuff on his Instagram didn't help the Filipino pride either. I get that he has his right to express his opinions and "joke", but he should really be careful with his status and all. I hope all his Filipino fans turn their backs on him, even just for a short while to teach him a lesson. 

Point of my rant is, why in the world are they blaming religion? It could be Manny didn't have the same drive to win and that it isn't as important to him anymore as before. I mean before when he was Catholic and seen as sort of religious, he was still gambling and cheating on his wife with all these different women with all his money. Maybe now that he's a changed man he doesn't feel the need to win all the time, maybe he doesn't think as worldly as he did, and maybe he spent more time reading the bible and preaching than practicing and preparing for boxing. See what I did there? I assumed. Not even assumed, I just put out possible scenarios out there, which are more likely reasons than other people's reasons that he didn't make the sign of the cross or pray the rosary. Seriously. I have nothing against people who pray the rosary and people with other beliefs, but it just annoys me when people talk trash on other people's beliefs and religion. I mean respect begets respect. Frustrates me how some people think. I know we all don't think alike, we are all different, but this is just something that frustrates me: people who are close minded and people who force their beliefs and religion on other people. And those who look down on people who don't see the same way they do. Annoying really!

Where do I go from here?

I have friends pursuing careers, batch mates getting married or engaged, and a few venturing into their own businesses. What about me? 

A lot of people have wondered why I am here when I can be in the states. Some people think it's silly how a few do anything just so they can get out of here and yet here I am, willing and on my own choosing to stay. People assume that I am here for my boyfriend, I partly am and I will be lying if I deny it, but I have a deeper reason as well. I am here because, as I have mentioned before, I want a taste of independence. 

I could have stayed in New York when we visited last December, or could have moved to Minnesota with my uncle and grandmother (okay, maybe not), or maybe stayed in California with relatives. I did not and do not like Seattle as much as I am supposed to and I also wanted to try and get away from my family. I love my family dearly, but I feel as though I need to be away to feel independent and to feel the way a twenty something year old person should feel. 

My parents said if I wanted to live in a different state, they would rather have me be back here, at home- where we have a house, a car, and a house help. Basically, I am all set-up here as oppose to staying at a different state. Plus, this place is more predictable to us, being as we have lived here for most of our lives. But as I am here, I honestly do not feel as independent as I expected to feel. Sure I pay for my gas, my eat-outs, my movies, my "shopping", and all else, but my father still pays for electricity, water, and food at home. And even with that I am not able to save as much as I should have. Gas is burning up my wallet really, and plus my wanting to not stay home at an empty house is adding to my expenses as well. 

I signed up at Citigym, and that has been keeping me occupied for the past few weeks. It is where I spend my times alone when boyfriend is working. I have been attending yoga, cardio kickboxing, and zumba classes. I am enjoying yoga more than expected. My month at the gym is almost up and I will be leaving for the holidays soon. 

So now, the question and crossroads I am face with: Where do I go from here? When I go to the states for the holidays, a lot of people are expecting me not to come back. I do not want to either if I find a good and stable job while I am in the US but I want to come back to formally end things with the company, if ever. But honestly, I really do not like my job. The company is fine, it is the job I cannot stand. It is a very easy "technical support engineer" job that makes me feel useless and unimportant to the company. In my resume, I wrote under objective: "To secure a position in a reliable company where I will be able to utilize my organizational skills, improve my competency in the array of skills I currently possess, and to have the privilege of learning and growing as a professional individual. And to be a valued and effective employee, able to deliver and excel in what is asked for." But I do not feel like I am growing here. A lot of idle time, sure I can use to learn to code if I really wanted to, but in the wee hours I am working in it is just harder. Makes me wonder if I really want to code. I believe if you really want something, you find a way to get it and use all means available to you. Coding just does not come as naturally to me. It can get frustrating, it has been frustrating. 

So for the third time, as I keep derailing my thoughts from the subject at hand: Where do I go from here? I can stay in the US, find a stable job, and petition Elwin. I can come back, continue until I reach one year and ask to be transferred to the California office and if not quit, or I can try something else like a different career path. All these possibilities and more have been playing in my mind. I was thinking of pursuing something in the advertising department, administrative department, and even going back to school for a master's degree or a different course? Then again, there is the matter of money. I will just pray God's will be made clear to me and that I will be walking on the path He chose for me. 

I am blessed I have all these options available to me, but it is currently giving me a headache. I do not know what to choose and what to do. Uncertainty is always frustrating, all the more at this point in my life because what I choose could be or is a defining moment. I guess I thought venting it all out on here would help. I think it did, I hope it did. 

Yoga and Problems

Today I tried Yoga. 

Never, before yesterday, did I imagine myself trying out Yoga. I thought it was just one of those things people do out of fad, like drinking Milk Tea. At one point, I honestly even thought it was a joke. Well, Yoga punished me for thinking such things. 

After a meeting with Jaye, we went and joined a Yoga class at CitiGym. I never really bothered much about Yoga, did not Google it or anything, my interest about it was close to zero. I thought the session would include meditating, deep breathing, channeling my inner Chi, and the like (easy and light stuff). Although we did a few of those, sort of, we did more! I did not expect to sweat in a Yoga session, or feel my muscles burn. For a beginner like me, I could say that was almost intense. We did "Flow Yoga", and no, I do not have an idea what that was. I did like the stretching, and I am hopeful I may shape up some abs through Yoga too. Wow. My whole idea of Yoga totally changed. It was challenging! 

I met up with Jaye at around 1PM at CitiGym. I enrolled myself prior to her arrival. I am quite impressed with the environment, facility, and staff. I paid 1350php and got my picture ID on the same day. Compared to the 1500php I paid for a month of membership at MetroSports with no card or feel of exclusivity, this was a sweet deal. MetroSports was a sad buy and one I regret, I only went there three or four times and on top of that, hit the cement post during one of my rainy day visits. My membership at CitiGym includes all the classes I wish to attend, i.e.: Yoga, Hip-Hop, Kickboxing, Strip Tease, and etc. Also, personal lockers during the duration of your visit; lockers with convenient lock systems and keys which you can wear around the wrist like a watch, hassle-free. We are provided small and big towels, plastic cups and water, we can use a proper shower with soap dispenser in it, and the sauna (I am yet to try!).

My Picture ID

Mindful Menu Movement

(Class list and schedules)

I wish I found out about this gym sooner! You have to admit, the place where it is located at: Waterfront Hotel, makes it intimidating. One can easily assume a very steep price for their membership packages. I do not know for how long they will have this 1350php/ month membership, I do know they offer it for all those 23 yrs or younger.

Also, one thing I notice even more now about myself is that I am a bit socially awkward and self-conscious. (Maybe I thought those through in Yoga session? Not sure.) I admire how some people go to gyms (or other places) so easily on their own, doing their thing and not caring how they look to others. I want that. I would dare have it if I did not know anyone at the gym. I badly wished I did not know anyone there, but just from the first visit alone, I spotted 4 people I know and said hi to, and 3 people whose faces I know because they were my schoolmate. Plus, 1 more person confirmed who goes to that gym and another whom I am not in good terms with. Now that I have pointed out these problems, I pray the Lord helps me face them and correct them. I am only hoping however, that I will not be running into those familiar faces, or any more familiar faces, and especially those I'm not in good terms with. Since I am new, it will take some time to adjust, place myself, and be comfortable moving about the gym alone. I also did not have rubber shoes, so Yoga was the only option. My rubber shoes are old and have served their time, and there is one I can use but needs washing. 

I hope, unlike the 1500php I spent on MetroSports, that I will be able to make full use of my money's worth this time, stop being socially awkward, and stop being so self-conscious. Why am I so awkward with meeting familiar faces and friends in unplanned situations? Something is wrong, and it is only now I am really concerned.  

End Goal: to have a fit body and the abs I have always wanted to have or flat belly at the very least :) It is a long shot, but maybe if I overcome my problems (which is also an end goal) I can attain it. 

I love the feeling of sweating because you are actually doing something, as opposed to sweating due to hot weather.

PS: It seems I am not alone with wanting to go to a gym wherein I do not know any familiar faces. Noj apparently, prefers the same because he is embarrassed as well.

PSS: For the most time at the gym, we spent it on Internet and food! We went to McDo I.T. Park to eat around 3PM. :)

Appreciation

It is a very simple kind of feeling with very little effort needed, so long as it is sincere. 

I see to it that every person I genuinely appreciate, no matter how small their effort was or is, knows that they are truly appreciated. A little appreciation actually goes a long way. For all you know the person might be having a hell of a day but because of your sincere and sweet appreciative smile, it turns their mood to the opposite direction. 

When one gives, I know it is best not to expect anything in return. But of course the knowledge that your gesture has been appreciated will be nice, and is definitely something that you might have been looking forward to.

I’m just basically rambling on about this because hell- I WANT TO BE APPRECIATED TO.

I hate it when people sulk for petty reasons or reasons that are so inconsiderate of others. 

TEACHER

So just this Monday, our teacher returned our papers from last week's (or two weeks ago) exam. I was confident about that exam since I actually studied for it. I've been studying this semester for the objective exams, unlike before where I just had to wing it each time or cram my a*s off. 

So I was saying, I was confident about this exam, maybe only three to four mistakes since I had no clue with the three enumeration numbers. So she gave out the papers, and my confidence came tumbling down. I got a sixteen over twenty-five. A frickin' one six! I Computed for the passing grade, which wa seventy percent and it was seventeen point something, round it off and you get eighteen. I reviewed my answers, and there were two numbers that she gave me a two and three instead of a five. I checked with the book- and my answers were right! So right that I nailed the keywords and got it almost word for word.

So I approach my teacher...

Me: "Miss, what's the right answer for these two numbers? How come I got only a two and three? What keywords were you looking for?"

Teacher: ... *looks at my paper* ... "It's not the complete answer, it's right but not complete."

Me: *opens the book and shows her the answer, I underlined it* "but miss, it's what's written in the book."

Teacher: "Your answers need not to be the one written in the book."

Me: "But what are the keywords you are looking for?"

Teacher: ....

Me: "The passing is eighteen right?" *giving her the hint that she could at least give me the passing mark*

Teacher: "Yes." 

Me: "Okay thanks miss."

Now, I should have said, "So you mean to say the answer or definition written on the book, which I have written on my paper almost exactly, is not complete? Then why the hell are we using this book anyways? And as I remembered in your discussion, you referred to the books definition as well, you did not question its completeness."

Now I understand that as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the right and wrong also may vary in each person's perspective. But this was a frickin' "give the definition" question and I gave the definition as the book said it and as she discussed it! I could have gotten the twenty-two over twenty-five I deserved- but NO! So I just ranted on to my seatmates for the next subject, they said my face was turning red. And then I ranted on some more the whole day... and that whole day since I got the paper I was like this:

And I couldn't let it go because I studied my a*s off! And that was rare. The coverage to study was a lot, but the quiz was short! 

And so I picked my mum up at the office and I was beat. I ranted on to my mom and asked her to drive home, I was so tired from the emotion I had. And when we got home I told my dad about it and he was mad about it too, my mom was laughing at my frustration and how it drained all my energy. I showed him my quiz paper and the answer on the book, and he asked if I wanted him to write a letter or something, but I said it wasn't necessary and I knew I had to let it go, because our teacher was also our department's chairperson and she has helped me a lot, as in A LOT so I can advance through my curriculum. I wasn't really mad at her, I was mad at the fact that I was right but still helpless to do anything. I knew I just had to let it go, I had to. 

And now I'm actually feeling better. But writing about it brings a little frustration back, but I'll get over it soon enough. My feeling and my mom's theory was that it was my teacher's pride that was getting in the way, maybe she was embarassed that she already said the answer wasn't complete but there it was on the book. I don't know *rolls eyes*. I am hoping though that she'd secretly change my grade in her class record, I'm free to hope right? :p

Letting it go,

-allie

PS: I know scores aren't everything, I a firm believer that grades do not measure a person's intelligence, but when you're given less than what you deserved, less than what you wroked hard for, then maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from. And this wasn't the first time the teacher had more say in it than students.

PPS: Yesterday was Teacher's day! I didn't go to school but I greeted this teacher via e-mail and she replied. We're good. *fist bump*