Where do I go from here?

I have friends pursuing careers, batch mates getting married or engaged, and a few venturing into their own businesses. What about me? 

A lot of people have wondered why I am here when I can be in the states. Some people think it's silly how a few do anything just so they can get out of here and yet here I am, willing and on my own choosing to stay. People assume that I am here for my boyfriend, I partly am and I will be lying if I deny it, but I have a deeper reason as well. I am here because, as I have mentioned before, I want a taste of independence. 

I could have stayed in New York when we visited last December, or could have moved to Minnesota with my uncle and grandmother (okay, maybe not), or maybe stayed in California with relatives. I did not and do not like Seattle as much as I am supposed to and I also wanted to try and get away from my family. I love my family dearly, but I feel as though I need to be away to feel independent and to feel the way a twenty something year old person should feel. 

My parents said if I wanted to live in a different state, they would rather have me be back here, at home- where we have a house, a car, and a house help. Basically, I am all set-up here as oppose to staying at a different state. Plus, this place is more predictable to us, being as we have lived here for most of our lives. But as I am here, I honestly do not feel as independent as I expected to feel. Sure I pay for my gas, my eat-outs, my movies, my "shopping", and all else, but my father still pays for electricity, water, and food at home. And even with that I am not able to save as much as I should have. Gas is burning up my wallet really, and plus my wanting to not stay home at an empty house is adding to my expenses as well. 

I signed up at Citigym, and that has been keeping me occupied for the past few weeks. It is where I spend my times alone when boyfriend is working. I have been attending yoga, cardio kickboxing, and zumba classes. I am enjoying yoga more than expected. My month at the gym is almost up and I will be leaving for the holidays soon. 

So now, the question and crossroads I am face with: Where do I go from here? When I go to the states for the holidays, a lot of people are expecting me not to come back. I do not want to either if I find a good and stable job while I am in the US but I want to come back to formally end things with the company, if ever. But honestly, I really do not like my job. The company is fine, it is the job I cannot stand. It is a very easy "technical support engineer" job that makes me feel useless and unimportant to the company. In my resume, I wrote under objective: "To secure a position in a reliable company where I will be able to utilize my organizational skills, improve my competency in the array of skills I currently possess, and to have the privilege of learning and growing as a professional individual. And to be a valued and effective employee, able to deliver and excel in what is asked for." But I do not feel like I am growing here. A lot of idle time, sure I can use to learn to code if I really wanted to, but in the wee hours I am working in it is just harder. Makes me wonder if I really want to code. I believe if you really want something, you find a way to get it and use all means available to you. Coding just does not come as naturally to me. It can get frustrating, it has been frustrating. 

So for the third time, as I keep derailing my thoughts from the subject at hand: Where do I go from here? I can stay in the US, find a stable job, and petition Elwin. I can come back, continue until I reach one year and ask to be transferred to the California office and if not quit, or I can try something else like a different career path. All these possibilities and more have been playing in my mind. I was thinking of pursuing something in the advertising department, administrative department, and even going back to school for a master's degree or a different course? Then again, there is the matter of money. I will just pray God's will be made clear to me and that I will be walking on the path He chose for me. 

I am blessed I have all these options available to me, but it is currently giving me a headache. I do not know what to choose and what to do. Uncertainty is always frustrating, all the more at this point in my life because what I choose could be or is a defining moment. I guess I thought venting it all out on here would help. I think it did, I hope it did. 

Yoga and Problems

Today I tried Yoga. 

Never, before yesterday, did I imagine myself trying out Yoga. I thought it was just one of those things people do out of fad, like drinking Milk Tea. At one point, I honestly even thought it was a joke. Well, Yoga punished me for thinking such things. 

After a meeting with Jaye, we went and joined a Yoga class at CitiGym. I never really bothered much about Yoga, did not Google it or anything, my interest about it was close to zero. I thought the session would include meditating, deep breathing, channeling my inner Chi, and the like (easy and light stuff). Although we did a few of those, sort of, we did more! I did not expect to sweat in a Yoga session, or feel my muscles burn. For a beginner like me, I could say that was almost intense. We did "Flow Yoga", and no, I do not have an idea what that was. I did like the stretching, and I am hopeful I may shape up some abs through Yoga too. Wow. My whole idea of Yoga totally changed. It was challenging! 

I met up with Jaye at around 1PM at CitiGym. I enrolled myself prior to her arrival. I am quite impressed with the environment, facility, and staff. I paid 1350php and got my picture ID on the same day. Compared to the 1500php I paid for a month of membership at MetroSports with no card or feel of exclusivity, this was a sweet deal. MetroSports was a sad buy and one I regret, I only went there three or four times and on top of that, hit the cement post during one of my rainy day visits. My membership at CitiGym includes all the classes I wish to attend, i.e.: Yoga, Hip-Hop, Kickboxing, Strip Tease, and etc. Also, personal lockers during the duration of your visit; lockers with convenient lock systems and keys which you can wear around the wrist like a watch, hassle-free. We are provided small and big towels, plastic cups and water, we can use a proper shower with soap dispenser in it, and the sauna (I am yet to try!).

My Picture ID

Mindful Menu Movement

(Class list and schedules)

I wish I found out about this gym sooner! You have to admit, the place where it is located at: Waterfront Hotel, makes it intimidating. One can easily assume a very steep price for their membership packages. I do not know for how long they will have this 1350php/ month membership, I do know they offer it for all those 23 yrs or younger.

Also, one thing I notice even more now about myself is that I am a bit socially awkward and self-conscious. (Maybe I thought those through in Yoga session? Not sure.) I admire how some people go to gyms (or other places) so easily on their own, doing their thing and not caring how they look to others. I want that. I would dare have it if I did not know anyone at the gym. I badly wished I did not know anyone there, but just from the first visit alone, I spotted 4 people I know and said hi to, and 3 people whose faces I know because they were my schoolmate. Plus, 1 more person confirmed who goes to that gym and another whom I am not in good terms with. Now that I have pointed out these problems, I pray the Lord helps me face them and correct them. I am only hoping however, that I will not be running into those familiar faces, or any more familiar faces, and especially those I'm not in good terms with. Since I am new, it will take some time to adjust, place myself, and be comfortable moving about the gym alone. I also did not have rubber shoes, so Yoga was the only option. My rubber shoes are old and have served their time, and there is one I can use but needs washing. 

I hope, unlike the 1500php I spent on MetroSports, that I will be able to make full use of my money's worth this time, stop being socially awkward, and stop being so self-conscious. Why am I so awkward with meeting familiar faces and friends in unplanned situations? Something is wrong, and it is only now I am really concerned.  

End Goal: to have a fit body and the abs I have always wanted to have or flat belly at the very least :) It is a long shot, but maybe if I overcome my problems (which is also an end goal) I can attain it. 

I love the feeling of sweating because you are actually doing something, as opposed to sweating due to hot weather.

PS: It seems I am not alone with wanting to go to a gym wherein I do not know any familiar faces. Noj apparently, prefers the same because he is embarrassed as well.

PSS: For the most time at the gym, we spent it on Internet and food! We went to McDo I.T. Park to eat around 3PM. :)