Seoul, Incheon

Hello from Seoul, Incheon airport. I just arrived here this morning at about a little past 6am in the morning. From that time up to now (11:49am), I have already eaten, went online, talked to mom, dad, and boyfriend, taken a very,very short nap (thanks to that old annoying lady on the phone with her loud self while people around the Rest & Relaxation lounge were trying to sleep), brushed my teeth, and showered. Yes, hooray to free shower! I do not know for how long they have had free shower but I am sure before there was a fee. The price was placed on the door, and now I didn't see any price, I just thought of going in to ask for the price, and as it turns out- shower is free! :) You get a free soap and sachet of shampoo as well. Also, free use of their very small towel.

Leaving my boyfriend behind is something I will never get used to. It is always hard. But thank heavens this time it will only be for a month (or will it? haha). Thank you boyfriend for always seeing me in up to the check-in area by securing a pass, and for doing all the heavy lifting I wouldn't be able to do on my own. I love you and I cannot wait to finally leave the airport WITH YOU!

I'm basically just chilling here waiting for my phone to charge via USB, and it is taking so slow to charge this way. What I do not like about being in this airport is their power sockets do not agree with my plugs. :( But aside from that, I'd rather be stuck in this very airport for 12 hours over any other airports. Free Rest & Relaxation lounge access, free internet/WiFi acess and there are even laptops you can use, free shower, good food, and it's like a mall in here. As you wait for your flight you can just stroll. And if all else fails, go online and chat with friends. :) Only 1 hour time difference from the Philippines.

12PM. About 6 more hours of waiting to go. :D

Of Boxing and Religion

So last Sunday, while I was sound asleep, Manny Pacquiao, the Philippine boxing pride, lost the fight on the 6th round with a knock out. Bummer. 

You win some, you lose some. Can't win them all. People were with him during his victory, they should be with him as well in this loss. At least he admitted that he was overconfident (so I heard). 

I woke up to all this ruckus on Facebook about the fight. A lot of them were down. Even a few pathetic statuses blaming Manny's change of religion.  

Earlier today, boyfriend showed me a video of Aling Dionisia (Manny's mom) going about "Wanted Pastore Louie" and how it is this Pastor's fault Manny lost. That video really pissed me off. It was annoying to see her broadcast her idiosyncratic ranting to thousands and thousands of viewers. She should be careful what she says, she might just start a fight. 

I posted on Facebook: "Manny lost diay? Tsk. Meanwhile, I was sound asleep while all this was going on." and my cousin mentioned: "and a lot of people are blaming Religion of his failure." I again replied, "and so i read, but religion is but man made haha. Your intimacy in the relationship with Jesus is between you and Him, and no one has the right to judge that. :)". He also replied with, "well I have read too, something about rosary and Mama Mary thing, kay he wasn't doing the sign of the cross thing kay he shifted his faith something like that... did I choose the right word? shifted hahaha". And in comes my over religious grandmother's sister with a comment: "Ah! Ah!!!!!" I mean seriously, what does that even mean? Knowing her, it must be a negative reaction to my comment. And in an attempt to taunt her, "kita ka sa interview ni dionisia Marco Antonio Ang Barcelo? haha "wanted pastor luoie" (or unsa ba toh?) haha gamayag utok." ("did you see the interview of Dionisia? haha "wanted pastor luoie" (or whatever?) haha. She has a small brain.") Or I meant to say how narrow minded she was, but small brain describes her just fine as well, especially in our dialect. I just now, added in a link to the video on the thread of comments and expressing my disgust. 

This reminds me about my post on Facebook about wanting to have a Tattoo, I should dig it up and blog it too, maybe tomorrow. Anyways, narrow minded, close minded people, who think they are better than others really just annoys me. Annoys me so much, almost to the bones really. And these will include a few of my overly religious relatives, sadly.

Justin Beiber posting up stupid stuff on his Instagram didn't help the Filipino pride either. I get that he has his right to express his opinions and "joke", but he should really be careful with his status and all. I hope all his Filipino fans turn their backs on him, even just for a short while to teach him a lesson. 

Point of my rant is, why in the world are they blaming religion? It could be Manny didn't have the same drive to win and that it isn't as important to him anymore as before. I mean before when he was Catholic and seen as sort of religious, he was still gambling and cheating on his wife with all these different women with all his money. Maybe now that he's a changed man he doesn't feel the need to win all the time, maybe he doesn't think as worldly as he did, and maybe he spent more time reading the bible and preaching than practicing and preparing for boxing. See what I did there? I assumed. Not even assumed, I just put out possible scenarios out there, which are more likely reasons than other people's reasons that he didn't make the sign of the cross or pray the rosary. Seriously. I have nothing against people who pray the rosary and people with other beliefs, but it just annoys me when people talk trash on other people's beliefs and religion. I mean respect begets respect. Frustrates me how some people think. I know we all don't think alike, we are all different, but this is just something that frustrates me: people who are close minded and people who force their beliefs and religion on other people. And those who look down on people who don't see the same way they do. Annoying really!

Of Sick Leaves

What I love about my blog is how only my boyfriend and a friend or two knows where to find it. And most people assume I no longer update it, so no one really bothers checking it out. So I am free to write about my life and opinions as I please.

Today my boyfriend woke up 30 minutes before the time he should be at work. It's a Monday, and more so today than other weekdays, it is harder to go to work. So I mentioned "take a sick leave", and he seizes the moment. He played basketball the night before, and so uses the excuse that he has muscle ache or muscle spasm (somewhere along those lines of excuse). Being as this was my one and only day of before I leave, errands and bonding time it is! 

I didn't have to go to work until 11PM and the 3PM meeting, I checked, wasn't compulsory. Why ruin my last day off with a meeting right? So much to do! I asked for a leave on Thursday, day before my flight, I requested last week but still no reply.

At boyfriend's house, after watching my choice of "horror" (yes, in quotes because they say it wasn't scary, although it was a bit scary for me) movie, a Filipino film "The Healing", we had lunch and got ready to head out. 

We stopped by for Starbucks at Oakridge, because I needed 4 more stickers (2 more to go) until I get my sister her planner. And plus I thought it had been a while since we both had Starbucks together. After our early afternoon and for-the-sake-of-stickers coffee fix, we continued down the road to JCentre!

Starbucks Christmas drinks 

and spinning the wheel after groceries.

Not a lot of people easily go to JCentre, especially people who work at IT park, so it was safe to stroll there. We first did errands at the grocery and loaded the cart with canned goods and a few dried mango packs. After that we bought tickets to The Rise of the Guardians and used the free game tickets that came with the movie tickets on the massage chairs. We got a good 4-minute beating on those massage chairs. After that we ordered Giga Fries (barbeque and sour cream) Potatoe Corner. Because one does not watch a movie without a Potatoe Corner at hand! We got drinks from the groceries as well because they are cheaper there, or so we always assume. The movie was great and it would have been nice if we brought the kids (boyfriend's younger siblings) but they were busy with projects. And plus, it is also nice to go out with just me and him. More errands after the movie, drugs this time. All those medicines and stuff. 

Before heading to the car, we stopped by an accessory stall. Boyfriend bought an earring (a pair but he only uses one), and I was eyeing a ring. Boyfriend bought for me the ring and I bought for myself earrings too. It's nothing expensive, just something fancy, sparkly, and shows that "my boyfriend bought me something" and that makes me smile. :) I will always remember how special he makes me feel, each time I look at it sparkle on my hand. :">

We headed to his house and watched a movie again (we are such couch potatoes, almost) Premium Rush. After that, a few episodes of 2 Broke Girls. Dinner time was accompanied with teleserye. After the late dinner and just hanging around, I had to get going to work.

I haven't yet left but I am already missing my boyfriend so badly. I should be gong only for a month, and God-willing I will be back by mid January. 

I bought fries and Starbucks for work (now only one more sticker to go!) and later I have food prepared again by my boyfriend's loving mother. :)

I just wanted to blog this because I want to read back on this on day, reliving the feeling of how very nice it is just to be with my boyfriend whether we're doing errands, movies, or just being home buddies. 

The Simple Things

I am not sure if I already have a post up with that title, but it is a common title and very relevant to me. I am a simple person really, who appreciates simple things.

So a couple of days ago I was sick and I whined to my boyfriend about it. He of course kept apologizing about how he was so busy with work that he could hardly find the time to reply to my messages. I understood him of course, since at the end of the week was the release of their project. Upset as I was, not really at him but at the situation, I went to sleep. I woke up to no message and I text messaged him, letting him know I was awake. He replied with a short and to the point message: "OT". Great, now he's on overtime with work, yet again. I messaged him telling him I hope I'd catch him. I planned on coming to work early so I could maybe catch him for a quick chat or a bite to eat. It really sucks having opposite work schedules with him. He messaged me back not to go out of the house and that he was on his way to see me. I asked him why and he replied a short, sweet, and honest answer: "Mis u man." My boyfriend  :"> So I was all giddy and I tried to cook for him this new corned beef we have not tried yet, and it was actually part of my errand list. If I had to buy 2 dozens of it to bring to the US, it must be that good. Boyfriend arrived with a box full of KFC chicken. My sweet boy. Although my aunt and I burned the onions we sauteed for the corned beef, I am happy to report that my boyfriend still loved it. And I love him.

Earlier today also before my shift at work, boyfriend and I were watching a movie at his place. When I was about to leave for work, he handed me a plastic with 2 containers. Apparently, his mother, on her own, decided to cook me my lunch for work. A really sweet gesture I will look back to even years from now and still appreciate just as much. It is a very nice feeling when your boyfriend's family accepts you and loves you, and you loving them back in return. I just am blessed that my boyfriend and his family both love me, and I love them too.

In a week I'll be seeing my family, finally after 6 months. I cannot wait to give them my hugs. And I cannot wait to snuggle up on our babies Miggy and Phoebe. It will be hard though when I'll have to leave again, because you can't reason or explain to dogs. I wish I could make them understand.

Today is a Sunday and the sun is shining down on my face right now. It will be church in 4 hours but I'm not sure I'll be able to attend. I pulled through the whole shift alone and could not catch a nap like I usually do before church. It will be such a shame if I went and be all sleepy. I just kept watching 2 Broke Girls to pull me through and keep me awake. I'm really sleepy now and cannot wait to go snuggle up in my bed. I have a long and busy week ahead full of errands, Jesus please see me through.

                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                                                         

The Sun is Up.

You Are God Alone

Just a song appreciating God and the way He is. We sang this before we began bible study last week and again at church last Sunday. 

"You are not a god in need of anything we can give."

Basketball

My boyfriend plays basketball and I have been going to his games with friends or school tournaments every time I am able to. Sometimes I would stay after class just to watch him practice with his teammates, most of whom are my friends as well. 

I went to his game last Sunday, it was scheduled at 8PM but started earlier. Their team was not prepared, some of them were still on their way. For the first quarter it was on and off due to the rain. But even before the game started, my boyfriend and I knew the other team would win. We know this because they have a player on the other team who was our school mate before, and we know how he, along with his current team, take basketball seriously. As for my boyfriend and his team, some of them just met at the practice a few days earlier, and those who were catching up, they just met on that day during the game. I could imagine how awkward it would be playing and teaming up with people you just met. The game finished and I do not remember the score but I remember it was a huge difference between both scores. 

I do not know with guys, but for me, I enjoyed the game. I especially liked how all of them got to play. Maybe I am just one of those "team spirit" kind of person. 

I did not like how one of their teammates left somewhere in the second quarter. He just left with no word to his teammates. I also did not like how his mom was also on trash talking borderline, and how his sister commented they should let his brother play (they already did on the first quarter!). And his girlfriend who said something like "I'm not used to seeing (lame) games like this.", as if to say her boyfriend always played a good game. And that teammate even commented earlier on the game how the other team was not a challenge, well he took those words back later on. 

Another teammate of my boyfriend had his whole family watching too. They came a bit later, because like a said, the game was schedules at 8PM  His father mentioned how his little sister insisted they come because she needs to watch her big brother's game. That was too cute. And this teammate got hit by a player from the other team and he was heating up on the bench saying how rude the other player was and that he will get him back, but his mother answered so kindly that her son should let it go and that it is all part of the game, things like these are part of the game's territory. The mother of the other teammate who left was dressed all classy, but when she talked, she sounded like someone at the dirty market; and compared to this mother dressed so simply, with such good advice, the other mother was a shame. 

Monday, boyfriend's basketball practice, I learned that even a few seconds can make a difference. As a bystander, I was also helpful by being called to be the timer. Once there was only 15-20 seconds left in the game and they called for a substitution, I thought it was useless with only a few second left, but they were able to score. I there I learned that even a few seconds, really does make a difference. 

I enjoyed watching my boyfriend and his team practice and play. One can really see though that they lack the sense of togetherness and they are a bit awkward as a team, but hopefully their practices polish that off and they play a better game next Sunday. 

I wish I knew and understood how to play basketball, it looks like a lot of fun, plus it is always nice to feel like part of the team. And my boyfriend and his 3-point shots: HOT. :)

My Christian Life and Bible Study

I became a Christian back when I was in 5th grade, and it is always a sweet and comforting thing to remember, that I am saved. 

I have been active in youth fellowships since then up to high school, or at the very least, I have been attending youth fellowships. I have joined my brothers and sisters in Christ in activities that are refreshing to the soul, to name a few: outreach and feeding programs, fund raising, garage sales, summer camps, summer bible study volunteering as assistant teacher, mall evangelism, and etc. 

When I reached college, it was harder to fit in the schedule and it took more effort that I apparently was not able to give. Also, I had to fetch my mom from work which added to the conflict in time. All in all, I was out of it and before I was even aware of it, I was backsliding. 

Being a Christian does not mean you are perfect and better than other people who are yet to be saved, sometimes some Christians even have it bad. A few of us carry a burden to live up to people's standards of what a Christian should be, and on top of that we have to live up to what we think a Christian should be, and what we think we should be for our Lord. It is a daily struggle, for some if not for all. It is like how some people describe love as a daily decision, you decide to love and keep loving. As Christians, it is a constant decision to walk in the right path and to aim heavenward. Our human nature and flaws of course are given obstacles, but then again obstacles are there to be conquered. 

After college or finishing up college rather, we went to the states and I remember thinking "finally! a chance to find a fellowship group and grow again!", but that of course did not happen as I got too preoccupied with adjusting and with work. All just excuses really. 

Last week, I attended a fellowship my friend from my old fellowship goes to. We grew up as Christian brothers and sisters. I actually blew off the first two or three time of going, either I was too late or I was not able to wake up. Last week I even ran late, but I just went and got over with going there for the first time. It was a nice familiar feeling, and yet new and refreshing at the same time. Different church, different crowd, yet within an hour or so, I poured out to them a heavy burden about me, my personal life, and my family. A bunch of strangers really and I dropped a personal burden, but then again, we are siblings in Christ, and that was very comforting. I even really looked forward to this Thursday. 

Earlier today after work, I went to the gym and trained, also tried boxing for the first time and did basic footwork movements and jab - speed punches. I tired myself enough to have a good sleep with the four hours I had, and I prayed that I be able to wake up for bible study. And thankfully I did. It was very easy for me to just turn off the alarm and doze off again, but I thank God for the hunger for His word that I felt, that I stood up and got ready.

Meat of the matter: Earlier we read and discussed Matthew 6: 5-15.

Matthew 6: 5-8 "[5] And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. [6] But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. [7] And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. [8] Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

What we discussed and got out of the reading:

Verse 5: Pastor said that actors before we referred to or called as hypocrites. So in the verse it is like these people are just acting, praying beautifully in front of the people to impress and show off, but behind it all lacks intimacy and sincerity, and the real connection to God. These people have received their reward which are praises and adoration from others with comments like "he/she is such a good Christian", "he/she is so religious  and spiritual", and etc. They pray in front of people and put up a facade of being so holy, but behind it there is no heart and sincerity. All just for show. 

Verse 6: It does not literally mean go into your room and pray in secret, because it does not matter where you are. What this verse is trying to say is have the heart when you pray, and pray to pray and not to impress people. The Father sees what is truly in our hearts and we will be rewarded accordingly.  

Verse 7: This would refer to a few of us Christians who tend to pray with flowery words to again, impress people. We sometimes beat around the bush before getting to the point of what we are really praying for and we tend to use big words just to impress people with our wide vocabulary. Babbling, saying words and not really meaning them.

Verse 8: Our Father knows what we need even before we ask Him. He knows what is in our hearts. All the acting and praying for show is useless because God sees our true intentions and sees what is in our hearts. We cannot hide from Him. 

• When we pray, God sees our intention. When we pray, we should make sure and maybe question our intentions.
• Flowery words are not necessary, it is best to states and declare clearly what we are praying for.
• We should be mindful of our prayers, and be as theologically correct or in line with the bible as possible, not like i.e. "Thank you for dying on the cross for us oh Father" - It was Jesus, the Son who died for our since, not the Father. 
• Make sure your prayers are correct and do not just pray for the sake of praying, i.e. praying over a fast-food meal to nourish your body, instead pray that it will satisfy your hunger - that would be better.
• Praying with intimacy, the heart, and sincerity. God sees your heart. Pray not out of routine, pray with heart.

These were the few highlights of our group discussion. I finished bible study feeling refreshed. And already I am excited for next week Thursday! I worry though when I leave for the states that I backslide again. It is a constant battle to keep on growing. I once heard our pastor before say that if you are not growing and not moving forward, you are moving backward and backsliding. 

Again in this session of bible study, I poured in a little heart and told them how it was, backsliding and all. It was as if God had a pager, and I was sending Him messages and He was receiving it. I keep talking and talking without listening to Him, to His words. And even in those times I am unfaithful, I know, truly know that He is faithful and He never left me. I still felt His blessing in my life even when I stopped reading my bible and stopped communicating with Him, if not to ask and ask some more. But He never left me, He was constantly giving me love and blessing. And as I was professing this, I felt I was close to tears. My God is an awesome God. 

PS: Noj also gave me my Starbucks planner today. Yey! Now to continue collecting stickers for my sister's planner.

PSS: Congratulations to all board passer! Hello Engineers! :) God is good.

Where do I go from here?

I have friends pursuing careers, batch mates getting married or engaged, and a few venturing into their own businesses. What about me? 

A lot of people have wondered why I am here when I can be in the states. Some people think it's silly how a few do anything just so they can get out of here and yet here I am, willing and on my own choosing to stay. People assume that I am here for my boyfriend, I partly am and I will be lying if I deny it, but I have a deeper reason as well. I am here because, as I have mentioned before, I want a taste of independence. 

I could have stayed in New York when we visited last December, or could have moved to Minnesota with my uncle and grandmother (okay, maybe not), or maybe stayed in California with relatives. I did not and do not like Seattle as much as I am supposed to and I also wanted to try and get away from my family. I love my family dearly, but I feel as though I need to be away to feel independent and to feel the way a twenty something year old person should feel. 

My parents said if I wanted to live in a different state, they would rather have me be back here, at home- where we have a house, a car, and a house help. Basically, I am all set-up here as oppose to staying at a different state. Plus, this place is more predictable to us, being as we have lived here for most of our lives. But as I am here, I honestly do not feel as independent as I expected to feel. Sure I pay for my gas, my eat-outs, my movies, my "shopping", and all else, but my father still pays for electricity, water, and food at home. And even with that I am not able to save as much as I should have. Gas is burning up my wallet really, and plus my wanting to not stay home at an empty house is adding to my expenses as well. 

I signed up at Citigym, and that has been keeping me occupied for the past few weeks. It is where I spend my times alone when boyfriend is working. I have been attending yoga, cardio kickboxing, and zumba classes. I am enjoying yoga more than expected. My month at the gym is almost up and I will be leaving for the holidays soon. 

So now, the question and crossroads I am face with: Where do I go from here? When I go to the states for the holidays, a lot of people are expecting me not to come back. I do not want to either if I find a good and stable job while I am in the US but I want to come back to formally end things with the company, if ever. But honestly, I really do not like my job. The company is fine, it is the job I cannot stand. It is a very easy "technical support engineer" job that makes me feel useless and unimportant to the company. In my resume, I wrote under objective: "To secure a position in a reliable company where I will be able to utilize my organizational skills, improve my competency in the array of skills I currently possess, and to have the privilege of learning and growing as a professional individual. And to be a valued and effective employee, able to deliver and excel in what is asked for." But I do not feel like I am growing here. A lot of idle time, sure I can use to learn to code if I really wanted to, but in the wee hours I am working in it is just harder. Makes me wonder if I really want to code. I believe if you really want something, you find a way to get it and use all means available to you. Coding just does not come as naturally to me. It can get frustrating, it has been frustrating. 

So for the third time, as I keep derailing my thoughts from the subject at hand: Where do I go from here? I can stay in the US, find a stable job, and petition Elwin. I can come back, continue until I reach one year and ask to be transferred to the California office and if not quit, or I can try something else like a different career path. All these possibilities and more have been playing in my mind. I was thinking of pursuing something in the advertising department, administrative department, and even going back to school for a master's degree or a different course? Then again, there is the matter of money. I will just pray God's will be made clear to me and that I will be walking on the path He chose for me. 

I am blessed I have all these options available to me, but it is currently giving me a headache. I do not know what to choose and what to do. Uncertainty is always frustrating, all the more at this point in my life because what I choose could be or is a defining moment. I guess I thought venting it all out on here would help. I think it did, I hope it did. 

Yoga and Problems

Today I tried Yoga. 

Never, before yesterday, did I imagine myself trying out Yoga. I thought it was just one of those things people do out of fad, like drinking Milk Tea. At one point, I honestly even thought it was a joke. Well, Yoga punished me for thinking such things. 

After a meeting with Jaye, we went and joined a Yoga class at CitiGym. I never really bothered much about Yoga, did not Google it or anything, my interest about it was close to zero. I thought the session would include meditating, deep breathing, channeling my inner Chi, and the like (easy and light stuff). Although we did a few of those, sort of, we did more! I did not expect to sweat in a Yoga session, or feel my muscles burn. For a beginner like me, I could say that was almost intense. We did "Flow Yoga", and no, I do not have an idea what that was. I did like the stretching, and I am hopeful I may shape up some abs through Yoga too. Wow. My whole idea of Yoga totally changed. It was challenging! 

I met up with Jaye at around 1PM at CitiGym. I enrolled myself prior to her arrival. I am quite impressed with the environment, facility, and staff. I paid 1350php and got my picture ID on the same day. Compared to the 1500php I paid for a month of membership at MetroSports with no card or feel of exclusivity, this was a sweet deal. MetroSports was a sad buy and one I regret, I only went there three or four times and on top of that, hit the cement post during one of my rainy day visits. My membership at CitiGym includes all the classes I wish to attend, i.e.: Yoga, Hip-Hop, Kickboxing, Strip Tease, and etc. Also, personal lockers during the duration of your visit; lockers with convenient lock systems and keys which you can wear around the wrist like a watch, hassle-free. We are provided small and big towels, plastic cups and water, we can use a proper shower with soap dispenser in it, and the sauna (I am yet to try!).

My Picture ID

Mindful Menu Movement

(Class list and schedules)

I wish I found out about this gym sooner! You have to admit, the place where it is located at: Waterfront Hotel, makes it intimidating. One can easily assume a very steep price for their membership packages. I do not know for how long they will have this 1350php/ month membership, I do know they offer it for all those 23 yrs or younger.

Also, one thing I notice even more now about myself is that I am a bit socially awkward and self-conscious. (Maybe I thought those through in Yoga session? Not sure.) I admire how some people go to gyms (or other places) so easily on their own, doing their thing and not caring how they look to others. I want that. I would dare have it if I did not know anyone at the gym. I badly wished I did not know anyone there, but just from the first visit alone, I spotted 4 people I know and said hi to, and 3 people whose faces I know because they were my schoolmate. Plus, 1 more person confirmed who goes to that gym and another whom I am not in good terms with. Now that I have pointed out these problems, I pray the Lord helps me face them and correct them. I am only hoping however, that I will not be running into those familiar faces, or any more familiar faces, and especially those I'm not in good terms with. Since I am new, it will take some time to adjust, place myself, and be comfortable moving about the gym alone. I also did not have rubber shoes, so Yoga was the only option. My rubber shoes are old and have served their time, and there is one I can use but needs washing. 

I hope, unlike the 1500php I spent on MetroSports, that I will be able to make full use of my money's worth this time, stop being socially awkward, and stop being so self-conscious. Why am I so awkward with meeting familiar faces and friends in unplanned situations? Something is wrong, and it is only now I am really concerned.  

End Goal: to have a fit body and the abs I have always wanted to have or flat belly at the very least :) It is a long shot, but maybe if I overcome my problems (which is also an end goal) I can attain it. 

I love the feeling of sweating because you are actually doing something, as opposed to sweating due to hot weather.

PS: It seems I am not alone with wanting to go to a gym wherein I do not know any familiar faces. Noj apparently, prefers the same because he is embarrassed as well.

PSS: For the most time at the gym, we spent it on Internet and food! We went to McDo I.T. Park to eat around 3PM. :)

Home

I am terribly confused where home is right now. They say home is where the heart is, but my heart is both at Seattle WA with my family and here in Cebu with my boyfriend. 

                                      

 

I never thought I'd miss Seattle. It really didn't seem like home at all while I was there. I had my family with me and that was all the home I had there. We lived with our uncle and we don't have our own place. My sister's tuition fee was three times that of the local American's, it was a new place to us to live in, new start, and for the first few months we had to get by with just one income coming in. We are past that and with God's help, we got by fine. Our family is now in a better state, both financially and emotionally speaking. 

I see my sister and mom upload photos, and I also browse through old ones while I was living there with them. And it's weird, I find myself thinking "I miss home". Or how I'm so excited to fly "home" to my family for the Christmas holidays. I never thought that I thought of Seattle as home, but now that I find myself missing my family and the routines I had while I lived there, I guess you could call it my home too. 

The house here doesn't feel like much of a home, apart from the memories of course. I come home to an empty house. I have my aunt who helps manage my dad's business here, and our 2 house help who takes care of the house and me. Our house help doesn't clean as much and work as efficiently as before. Of course it's different that my parents aren't here. Each time I am with my boyfriend, that feels like home.

I just need to be patient and hopefully both my family and boyfriend will be in one place, that would also mean my boyfriend leaving his family though. But that is far ahead so we'll both deal with that when the time comes. 

Currently I plan on going on a one moth offsite work arrangement to spend Christmas holidays with my family. Also, if in a year's time I still find myself in my current situation in terms of career, I'll probably plan on flying off to the US to work there. As for my boyfriend, he'll follow when he's ready.

I guess home is indeed where the heart is, and lucky for me, I have a lot of home to go home to. :)

Thank you, Jesus.

Graveyard Shift, Day 1

I was one to always found graveyard shifts interesting. I always wondered how odd it would be to be up when everyone's asleep and asleep when everyone else was up. Well now, I got to experience it. 

Back when I used to work in Tacobell in the US, I did a lot of closing shifts, especially at the end part of my being employed there. I however did not feel much of it because I didn't have friends there, no social life, and I really didn't care much for the time there. 

I think graveyard shifts suits me well because I am nocturnal and I love coffee. But even so, I'm not saying that the late night shift didn't take its toll on me. I have some adjusting to deal with. 

Coffee

My Duty-mate 

 From boyfriend, bought the day before :)

Before the shift began I started my day at 8AM, I woke up that early from my 4AM sleep and did some errands (shipping and groceries). After which I kept myself busy, making siomai and cooking my own lunch (fried rice with spicy chorizo, iced tea to drink). I didn't want to sleep too early because I'd end up waking up too early. I was in bed by 11AM-12PM reading my eBook (Slammed) up until around 3PM. I slept in and my bladder woke me up at around 6:30PM. I went back to bed but couldn't sleep. I was hungry so I went down to eat. I went back up hoping to sleep in until 10PM, but that was a fail.  

At work I found myself confused as to what time I should eat. So when I felt sort of hungry and I feel it was too early to eat my meal, I'd be eating all sorts of things. And when time came I decided to finally eat my meal at around 5AM, work got busy and I didn't finish eating until 7AM. I didn't even finish the food because I lost appetite. Earlier hours of the shift, I busied myself with the free online course I enrolled in. 

Studying

Stuff I ate:

Meal

It was interesting to see the crowd from slowly increase as the sun rose. The sky's interesting color change was also a sight even from inside the building. 

I ended the shift feeling like I was floating and I felt a bit light-headed. I drove home and it was weird. I was driving home to my bed whilst everyone else around was just getting ready to head off to school and work. They just started their day and I just ended mine. 

At home, I didn't eat but had milo to drink. I stayed in bed, relaxing and enjoying my eBook until 11:30AM. I slept in and my bladder, again and consistently, woke me up at 6:30PM. I went to have dinner and I watched TV, cleaned up a little and took a shower. I was ready to head out for work before 10PM. I took my time driving to work, and it was nice. Now I am at day 2 of my graveyard shift.

This had been very detailed for my own sake as I blog for myself. :) I like back reading to my old posts, reliving a few moments again, and seeing how much I've changed.  

Lechon, Cloud 9, and HON

My yaya (yes, I feel yaya has a more endearing sound to it compared to house help) forgot to pack my viand today. I only had rice and banana. I usually eat lunch after I get to work and have settle everything (i.e., checked my work mail, open all the software and accounts needed to be opened). I have been eating lunch at around 5PM lately. It was raining very hard so I could not very well go out and buy some viand for myself. There might be something on the 3rd floor of this building, but I was not very fond of the food stalls up there, aside from the canteen which was close on weekends. So I messaged boyfriend if he could ask the food stall vendor on their building if they would be so kind as to deliver some food to our building. I wanted to eat some lechon, one of my favorite food and one of the food Cebu is best known for. Boyfriend said he would personally deliver the food himself. :) 

I was on Skype with my mom and boyfriend delivered my food with extra Cloud 9! I love eating sweets to close my appetite. I got that whole habit from my mother. I had free lechon and Cloud 9 from a sweet boyfriend. :)

After an hour or so, boyfriend was done with his job and he came over to my work place with me. I asked permission from my colleagues in advance that he might be coming over. On Saturdays I work alone at the Techbar. And I can not help but feel like a fish in a giant aquarium sometimes. Our office has a big glass window where people outside could see us from in here. So yes, kind of makes me feel like a fish sometimes. 

Currently: Boyfriend is playing HON whilst I am blogging. :)

 HONing

BLOGging

I am usually alone on my Saturday shifts, but I am glad boyfriend is here tonight to keep me company with his game noises and exclaims of frustrations or being excited over the game. Next shift is at 11PM but they usually get here around 10. This is my last night with this shift, last night I am off at midnight. Next week I will be starting my 11PM - 8AM shift, and that shift will run up to 3 months I think, longer than the usual 2 months. 

Current read: Slammed by Colleen Hoover, as recommended by an officemate. Also a high rating on http://www.goodreads.com 

eBooking to save money

Today before I went to bed a little after 6AM, I just finished Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata.

I'm off to contniue munching on my Cloud 9 and reading my eBook,

Allie

Love We Deserve

So I have seen about two Facebook statuses that quote from the book or movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower

We accept the love we think we deserve.

And I commented on one of those who posted it up as a status: 

and in turn, does that mean we also expect/ ask for the love we think we deserve? :)

I truly am curious about the matter. If we only accept the love we think we deserve, does that give other the right to demand for the love they think they deserve? It is after all a two-way street right? And who is to judge as to what amount of love we rightfully deserve? 

I know however much I will love our Lord, I can never even by a quarter fulfill the love he so more than deserves. With that in mind, who is to say that the person isn't giving you all the love that he/she can give? What if he/she has given her all but it still isn't enough for you, or for the love you think you "deserve"? Maybe in most cases, we just give what we can and however much love we want to give and take in return however much love is given back to us. Love after all isn't self-seeking right? 

1 Corinthians 13: 1-13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Love and let love, 

Allie

 

I Am Not Fond Of My Job

I am currently listening to The Beatles - Hello Goodbye for the third, going on fourth time today. 

I posted this Youtube video up on my Facebook wall thinking a good friend would be leaving for Dubai to work there for two years. Fortunately, her agency called that her ticket hasn't arrived yet so her trip is postponed to Monday. A few more days to spend with her. :) I was going to blog about my good friend, but let me do that on Monday or so.

Let me rant about my work. Lately I have been very bored with work. I am happy and thankful I have this job; I like the company I work for, I just do not share the same enthusiasm with the job I have. I work as technical support engineer. People instantly think it is a call center job, but thankfully it is not. It however is not a far cry from one. 

I tried to like the job, tried to love it, but it gets frustrating when there are things you do not entirely understand, and even more so when there are things people assume you already get. I would like to clarify that we were not given proper and formal training, even our supervisor has acknowledged this and apologized for it. I am trying to understand things as I go but it is not healthy at all that I do not have a clear black and white picture as to things I should know in order to perform well with the given job. I just wish they gave us time, sat down with us, and clarify things as oppose to us just assuming things as we go. Maybe then I will be confident in my job and in what I do. I know they have provided us with documents to go through, but as I have mentioned time and time again, I am not one for self-learning. Sorry, it is just hard for me and I know it is no excuse, but I am just saying. Plus, it is always better to learn hands-on and be guided as we go. Also, the people I work with have their own techniques in doing things which sometimes is contradicting to that of the other person with the same job. I can not say who I should follow. One time I had to work alone after two weeks of so called "training" (which did not even cover half of what I needed to know) and I was worried I did not know exactly what to do. I brought this up to our supervisor and all she said was: "You will learn thorugh baptism of fire." That is one way to put it. But her confidence in me somehow gave me the push to say "Yes, I can do it." 

So now I am here, two days and three months after I first started, and I already feel like I have lost the drive to keep on going and pushing myself. I was hoping after I rant on here I would feel better. At times like this I would like to remind myself that I left my family in Seattle, Washington for this. And that I should make it all worth it and learn all I can learn. And if I do not, then I would have just wasted time away from my family trying to make something of myself but ended up failing and disappointing. Scary. So now I close this and I am off to push myself to finish that trivia questions which was due last week but was extended to today because only one participant submitted an answer. 

To making it worth it, 

Allie 

//Update: Shortly after this blog was posted, after days of avoiding the trivia because I did not know where to scour the answers, I finished it. Answered and submitted! Thanks to my colleagues tip on where to find the answers! :)

Inspired by a Wife's Story

Even in trying times (that is obviously an understatement), I am amazed by how much of an inspiration wife has been.

I do not know the couple personally, I just heard about them because their younger siblings were my batch mates in school. Also, my cousin is a good friend of the husband. I first heard about them when my friend posted a link on her wall. It was the link to the YouTube video of her brother's proposal to his beloved girlfriend. As I am a fan of love and all the romantic frills, I of course had to watch the video. I also stumbled upon the (back then) bride-to-be's blog page, where she wrote about the proposal in detail. I later heard again about them when my friend and my cousin posted on their Facebook walls about needing donors. Sadly, the husband was diagnosed with Cancer (Lukemia), about two years into their marriage. I said a silent prayer for him and his family at that moment. From then on, every now and then I would stumble upon links to the wife's blog entries. She has been blogging about their battle against the "Big C" (as she calls it). Very inspiring.

Monday, I was having breakfast at McDonald's with my cousin. As we were eating pancakes, my boyfriend text messaged me that our friend's brother has passed away. Sad. I talked to my cousin about how, just a week ago, I chatted with the said friend over wedding preparations and stuff (as she is engaged to be married next year, and so is my good friend whom I might plan the wedding for).  I checked Facebook only to see that the news was true. (Amazing how Facebook and the Internet in general gets you easily updated.)

I ranted on to my cousin about how weird it is we are normally eating breakfast (pancakes which I have been craving for, since about two weeks ago) and how at the same time a whole family and a wife is devastated with the loss of a loved one. How the world maybe all crumbling down on you and where everything hurts at the moment, but aside from you feeling all of that, the rest of the world lives on normally. 

So I once again visited the blog site of the wife. I thought "at least she got left behind with a kid", because I saw how she was very pregnant during our graduation ceremonies. Her sister was graduating with me and since our last names started with the same letter, I was to march right after her sister, with her and her mother. I later found out she lost her child. Just a few days after graduation she gave birth to a 7-month premature baby who only lived for 18 days. My heart sank lower. On top of this she has a father who was bedridden (her sister mentioned it during graduation, in passing) and her mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. I cried upon reading a few of her posts and watching a few of the videos of her and her (now) late husband. I was so moved that I messaged her and told her even if we didn't know each other, that I was praying for her. My heart was heavy in ache that I ranted on to about 7 people about how all of this pain is felt by one person. But I am amazed, by how inspiring she is as she blogs. How she writes about her human weaknesses but never failing to acknowledge that Lord's greatness amidst  all the pain.

I would very much want to share the link to her blog but I am afraid she might not approve of it (although I doubt that). She doesn't even know I am blogging about how I am snooping in her life through her blog. But I have just been so deeply moved and blessed, I just had to. 

I am sorry if this is somehow invasion of privacy but I was playing it safe by not mentioning names, even if the pronouns make everything all confusing.

I am still praying for you. 

Hello Blogpost.

It has been almost two years since I wrote on here. I have been updating my Tumblr from time to time though. It is so silly how I keep moving from one blog to another. How sometimes I feel I want a fresh start, or how I sometimes want all my blog posts from all over to be in one place, or how I sometimes wish not to just think about it. 

Well, after weeks of thinking I have lost my blogspot blogs forever, I have finally retrieved them. I see they have done some upgrading. Maybe it's time to come on back home? 

// I also just noticed how I have overused the word "random" on my Tumblr as a label, and I can't even find it on here.

xx, Allie