Lechon, Cloud 9, and HON

My yaya (yes, I feel yaya has a more endearing sound to it compared to house help) forgot to pack my viand today. I only had rice and banana. I usually eat lunch after I get to work and have settle everything (i.e., checked my work mail, open all the software and accounts needed to be opened). I have been eating lunch at around 5PM lately. It was raining very hard so I could not very well go out and buy some viand for myself. There might be something on the 3rd floor of this building, but I was not very fond of the food stalls up there, aside from the canteen which was close on weekends. So I messaged boyfriend if he could ask the food stall vendor on their building if they would be so kind as to deliver some food to our building. I wanted to eat some lechon, one of my favorite food and one of the food Cebu is best known for. Boyfriend said he would personally deliver the food himself. :) 

I was on Skype with my mom and boyfriend delivered my food with extra Cloud 9! I love eating sweets to close my appetite. I got that whole habit from my mother. I had free lechon and Cloud 9 from a sweet boyfriend. :)

After an hour or so, boyfriend was done with his job and he came over to my work place with me. I asked permission from my colleagues in advance that he might be coming over. On Saturdays I work alone at the Techbar. And I can not help but feel like a fish in a giant aquarium sometimes. Our office has a big glass window where people outside could see us from in here. So yes, kind of makes me feel like a fish sometimes. 

Currently: Boyfriend is playing HON whilst I am blogging. :)

 HONing

BLOGging

I am usually alone on my Saturday shifts, but I am glad boyfriend is here tonight to keep me company with his game noises and exclaims of frustrations or being excited over the game. Next shift is at 11PM but they usually get here around 10. This is my last night with this shift, last night I am off at midnight. Next week I will be starting my 11PM - 8AM shift, and that shift will run up to 3 months I think, longer than the usual 2 months. 

Current read: Slammed by Colleen Hoover, as recommended by an officemate. Also a high rating on http://www.goodreads.com 

eBooking to save money

Today before I went to bed a little after 6AM, I just finished Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata.

I'm off to contniue munching on my Cloud 9 and reading my eBook,

Allie

Love We Deserve

So I have seen about two Facebook statuses that quote from the book or movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower

We accept the love we think we deserve.

And I commented on one of those who posted it up as a status: 

and in turn, does that mean we also expect/ ask for the love we think we deserve? :)

I truly am curious about the matter. If we only accept the love we think we deserve, does that give other the right to demand for the love they think they deserve? It is after all a two-way street right? And who is to judge as to what amount of love we rightfully deserve? 

I know however much I will love our Lord, I can never even by a quarter fulfill the love he so more than deserves. With that in mind, who is to say that the person isn't giving you all the love that he/she can give? What if he/she has given her all but it still isn't enough for you, or for the love you think you "deserve"? Maybe in most cases, we just give what we can and however much love we want to give and take in return however much love is given back to us. Love after all isn't self-seeking right? 

1 Corinthians 13: 1-13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Love and let love, 

Allie

 

I Am Not Fond Of My Job

I am currently listening to The Beatles - Hello Goodbye for the third, going on fourth time today. 

I posted this Youtube video up on my Facebook wall thinking a good friend would be leaving for Dubai to work there for two years. Fortunately, her agency called that her ticket hasn't arrived yet so her trip is postponed to Monday. A few more days to spend with her. :) I was going to blog about my good friend, but let me do that on Monday or so.

Let me rant about my work. Lately I have been very bored with work. I am happy and thankful I have this job; I like the company I work for, I just do not share the same enthusiasm with the job I have. I work as technical support engineer. People instantly think it is a call center job, but thankfully it is not. It however is not a far cry from one. 

I tried to like the job, tried to love it, but it gets frustrating when there are things you do not entirely understand, and even more so when there are things people assume you already get. I would like to clarify that we were not given proper and formal training, even our supervisor has acknowledged this and apologized for it. I am trying to understand things as I go but it is not healthy at all that I do not have a clear black and white picture as to things I should know in order to perform well with the given job. I just wish they gave us time, sat down with us, and clarify things as oppose to us just assuming things as we go. Maybe then I will be confident in my job and in what I do. I know they have provided us with documents to go through, but as I have mentioned time and time again, I am not one for self-learning. Sorry, it is just hard for me and I know it is no excuse, but I am just saying. Plus, it is always better to learn hands-on and be guided as we go. Also, the people I work with have their own techniques in doing things which sometimes is contradicting to that of the other person with the same job. I can not say who I should follow. One time I had to work alone after two weeks of so called "training" (which did not even cover half of what I needed to know) and I was worried I did not know exactly what to do. I brought this up to our supervisor and all she said was: "You will learn thorugh baptism of fire." That is one way to put it. But her confidence in me somehow gave me the push to say "Yes, I can do it." 

So now I am here, two days and three months after I first started, and I already feel like I have lost the drive to keep on going and pushing myself. I was hoping after I rant on here I would feel better. At times like this I would like to remind myself that I left my family in Seattle, Washington for this. And that I should make it all worth it and learn all I can learn. And if I do not, then I would have just wasted time away from my family trying to make something of myself but ended up failing and disappointing. Scary. So now I close this and I am off to push myself to finish that trivia questions which was due last week but was extended to today because only one participant submitted an answer. 

To making it worth it, 

Allie 

//Update: Shortly after this blog was posted, after days of avoiding the trivia because I did not know where to scour the answers, I finished it. Answered and submitted! Thanks to my colleagues tip on where to find the answers! :)

Inspired by a Wife's Story

Even in trying times (that is obviously an understatement), I am amazed by how much of an inspiration wife has been.

I do not know the couple personally, I just heard about them because their younger siblings were my batch mates in school. Also, my cousin is a good friend of the husband. I first heard about them when my friend posted a link on her wall. It was the link to the YouTube video of her brother's proposal to his beloved girlfriend. As I am a fan of love and all the romantic frills, I of course had to watch the video. I also stumbled upon the (back then) bride-to-be's blog page, where she wrote about the proposal in detail. I later heard again about them when my friend and my cousin posted on their Facebook walls about needing donors. Sadly, the husband was diagnosed with Cancer (Lukemia), about two years into their marriage. I said a silent prayer for him and his family at that moment. From then on, every now and then I would stumble upon links to the wife's blog entries. She has been blogging about their battle against the "Big C" (as she calls it). Very inspiring.

Monday, I was having breakfast at McDonald's with my cousin. As we were eating pancakes, my boyfriend text messaged me that our friend's brother has passed away. Sad. I talked to my cousin about how, just a week ago, I chatted with the said friend over wedding preparations and stuff (as she is engaged to be married next year, and so is my good friend whom I might plan the wedding for).  I checked Facebook only to see that the news was true. (Amazing how Facebook and the Internet in general gets you easily updated.)

I ranted on to my cousin about how weird it is we are normally eating breakfast (pancakes which I have been craving for, since about two weeks ago) and how at the same time a whole family and a wife is devastated with the loss of a loved one. How the world maybe all crumbling down on you and where everything hurts at the moment, but aside from you feeling all of that, the rest of the world lives on normally. 

So I once again visited the blog site of the wife. I thought "at least she got left behind with a kid", because I saw how she was very pregnant during our graduation ceremonies. Her sister was graduating with me and since our last names started with the same letter, I was to march right after her sister, with her and her mother. I later found out she lost her child. Just a few days after graduation she gave birth to a 7-month premature baby who only lived for 18 days. My heart sank lower. On top of this she has a father who was bedridden (her sister mentioned it during graduation, in passing) and her mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. I cried upon reading a few of her posts and watching a few of the videos of her and her (now) late husband. I was so moved that I messaged her and told her even if we didn't know each other, that I was praying for her. My heart was heavy in ache that I ranted on to about 7 people about how all of this pain is felt by one person. But I am amazed, by how inspiring she is as she blogs. How she writes about her human weaknesses but never failing to acknowledge that Lord's greatness amidst  all the pain.

I would very much want to share the link to her blog but I am afraid she might not approve of it (although I doubt that). She doesn't even know I am blogging about how I am snooping in her life through her blog. But I have just been so deeply moved and blessed, I just had to. 

I am sorry if this is somehow invasion of privacy but I was playing it safe by not mentioning names, even if the pronouns make everything all confusing.

I am still praying for you. 

Hello Blogpost.

It has been almost two years since I wrote on here. I have been updating my Tumblr from time to time though. It is so silly how I keep moving from one blog to another. How sometimes I feel I want a fresh start, or how I sometimes want all my blog posts from all over to be in one place, or how I sometimes wish not to just think about it. 

Well, after weeks of thinking I have lost my blogspot blogs forever, I have finally retrieved them. I see they have done some upgrading. Maybe it's time to come on back home? 

// I also just noticed how I have overused the word "random" on my Tumblr as a label, and I can't even find it on here.

xx, Allie

Oooooh, I forgot to announce to myself (being the only sole reader of my own blog) that about two days ago, my mother asked where I would be spending my Christmas, I answered her I’d like to have it with them if it were possible and she said okay, and that I should speak to my supervisor and book a flight. YEY! So I in turn told her thanks and that I won’t be buying the Nexus 7 anymore since I’ll be flying off to them anyways. :) I miss my family. I already spent my birthday without them, hard to imagine Christmas holidays without them.

Over Coffee

Later today I will be meeting up with two of my good college friends. They have been my constant companion throughout college and are the closest thing I have to bestfriends. Both of them are guys, because I have always been known to get along with guys more easily. My theory is it is because I always wished I had brother. I was also mistaken to be a tomboy more than once in my life.

So we’re meeting up later around 7pm, over coffee, cliche right? Haha. One of them just got engaged, I’m sure it will be a center topic for later. Sadly, I’ve never personally met the girl and we’ve never been introduced. Even before, he always sort of kept a distance between his girl and his friends. Anyhows, I am glad he initiated the meet up. Good to know he still values our friendship. :) 
I am not all lost of friends after all.

//Update: I will be the tentative wedding planner of my friend's wedding, alongside my other good friend Nardo. (Photos added after we met up over coffee which I HAD TO PAY FOR. haha.)

My Girls

 A photo of Jade (Mr. Engaged), 

Nardo, and I after 6 years of friendship.

So my day off last Sunday was epic. Whole day with boyfriend. :) It was special. It was sad that it was my first birthday away from family, but my boyfriend made it so that I will not feel all depressed. I tried to not plan anything and make it was if it were just any other day, but he insisted otherwise.

Monday was all about cooking. I was preparing for a siomai order. Cooking chicken curry for the first time, for my boyfriend. :) During dinner I was pleased to see my boyfriend eat up. After dinner I made maja for my aunt. I was going to cook fettuccine and have yaya help me with the spaghetti, but I decided to do those the next day. I watched a Thai movie “Hello Stranger” with boyfriend. And I was content. :)

I'm 23 Now

09.16.12 with Lunch (Bigby’s) and Movie (The Mistress) :] (Taken with Instagram at Bo’s Coffee)

He spent the whole day with me from start to finish. :) Thank you boyfriend. I quote my facebook post:

First ever birthday without my family and hopefully the last. Thank you boyfriend Elwinski Managbanag Jr. for making me feel all special the whole day and filling in the emptiness and loneliness I’ve been carrying inside. I love you :) And I miss you family! Maymay Yao Ang Suzanne Sanchez Suzette Ang Jin Ang and Miggy and Phoebe too. :)

my God is faithful and my God is good. :)

Cheers to TWENTY[23]THREE. :)

That night, after my birthday, 09.17.12 around 3AM, I started writing a 4-paged stationary letter to my boyfriend. I really felt special that day. :) 

Happy Birthday to Me

I am twenty-three years old now. No use denying it. First birthday without my family. :,(

Contentment

Sometimes it is scary to be contented. Although it is generally good to be contented and happy with where you are at your life right now, sometimes being contented means being stuck.

It is nice to be contented and at the same time keeping an open mind, having ambitions, and goals in life. Sometimes we tend to be so comfortable where we are at, we forget to push ourselves to do better and we sometimes forget to dream a better life for ourselves and our family. 

I see people with potential. I work at a fastfood place, and I see people with sincerity and dedication in their work. And sometimes I wonder, why are they still here? They can earn more, live a better life, and get more benefits in other jobs, but why here?

I myself have entertained the thought of not leaving the fastfood place I work at. I really enjoy the people I work with and 

— some post stuck in my drafts. Never finished writing it. I don’t remember when I wrote this exactly. But posting it anyways. I sure rant a lot.

So… a Japanese colleague added me up on Facebook, and now I see his rants but can’t understand it. I click “translate” but Bing does not really translate that well, I think it is translating word for word. I cannot make much sense to his rants, only parts of it. 

And oh, that last phrase at the end: “kitakits ugma” :) HAHA. I just sure hope he is enjoying his stay at Cebu. 

#20 - Openly recognize the face that your sweetheart is intelligent. 

Of course, I’ll also tell him in person. Not that I haven’t done so yet, I have before. :)

Just downloaded. I will be crushing things out as we go. :)

Days Off

I am very happy to report that my days off lately, are productive. Yesterday, with the help of my cousin, I was able to cook the ordered siomais from scratch. I was also able to make putos which were gone within a span of 5 minutes and maja blanca for dessert. I was also able to squeeze in fried rice with no meat just before dinner. 

I look forward to making my days off productive, be it for business or hobby, or the blessing of having the mix of both. 

And with this I give a smile to the heavens above.

  

Appreciation

It is a very simple kind of feeling with very little effort needed, so long as it is sincere. 

I see to it that every person I genuinely appreciate, no matter how small their effort was or is, knows that they are truly appreciated. A little appreciation actually goes a long way. For all you know the person might be having a hell of a day but because of your sincere and sweet appreciative smile, it turns their mood to the opposite direction. 

When one gives, I know it is best not to expect anything in return. But of course the knowledge that your gesture has been appreciated will be nice, and is definitely something that you might have been looking forward to.

I’m just basically rambling on about this because hell- I WANT TO BE APPRECIATED TO.

I once dreamed of being a princess in a castle.

My film scanner has arrived along with my Canon EOS888 Film SLR.  I am all giddy at 3:01AM and cannot wait on the adventures that awaits me through this lens. :) 

Also, it has been nostalgic for the couple of hours scanning films from the ’90s.

//My early birthday gift to myself. :)